"On the plains of Oklahoma, with a windshield sunset in your eyes like a watercolor painted sky, you'd think heavens doors have opened."
Fly Over States

Friday, December 12, 2008

Ain't It Awful?

I can't tell you just how much I hate inflatable lawn ornaments. I am not reasonable about it. Notwithstanding that I am from Oklahoma and wear cowboy boots -I am not a gun nut. Just the same, when I see an inflatable lawn ornament, I want to shoot it. They are the tackiest things on the planet.

My regular route to work takes me through a national forest. It is nine and a half miles of winding, narrow, dangerous road that is primarily wooded to the very edge (no shoulder). There are a few odd places along the route where property is privately owned. I figure these properties must have been in certain families predating the establishment of the national forest. One of these houses is about half way through my drive and, literally, miles from another home. That does not slow down their Christmas spirit. They have - I kid you not - at least 15 large inflatable lawn ornaments scattered across their property. In the daytime, they are all deflated and it looks like the aftermath of a surreal civil war battlefield (Santa vs. Frosty?). It is frickin' bizarre. I mean, who drives out on that dangerous road at night to even SEE the things inflated? All that being said, I am not complaining that the horrible things are tucked away out of sight. I expect they scare the deer.

I was driving home from work a couple of days ago and before I entered into the forest, I passed a modest home that had the following inflatable nativity scene out front:

People, it is a NATIVITY SCENE. I feel checkmated. I can't even shoot the darn thing without running the risk of striking the baby Jesus. I don't know if those people are extremely religious or sacrilegious but it is wrong, I tell you.

While I was writing this post, I did an internet search and discovered that I am not alone in hating these monstrosities. There are a lot of bloggers who feel the same way and write about it better. While doing my internet "research" I discovered THIS:

For the love of GOD!!

Note - two of my other pet peeves are people who fax 50 page documents and people who call at 4:57 p.m. and want to talk for an hour on business. Just in case you're interested.

I have to work this morning and am a little concerned about leaving Evelyn. Get this - we had a break-in down the street and the SOB stole a bunch of things and BEAT the GOLDEN RETRIEVER!! Who could do such a thing? The young daughter came home from school and found the dog bleeding from his ears. I don't know how he is doing - hopefully he will be okay. It makes my blood boil. I'm feeling pretty aggressive this morning, if you can't tell.

I haven't heard from the breeder about puppies, yet. Angel was due from the 10th - the 12th (today) and there was a full moon last night. Maybe they'll come, today or maybe they have already arrived and the breeder just has her hands too full to e-mail. I expect to hear something, soon. I hope they get some little girls! Crystal is due sometime this weekend or Monday so we have two shots at puppies.


Stephanie D. said...

I'm with you about the inflatables--don't know who came up with that idea, but they should be drawn and quartered. I suppose the kids like them, but tacky was just the word I used to describe them to my husband.

I can't believe someone would be cold and cruel enough to beat a Golden--they're such loving dogs!
I hope they catch that pus-face.

ranette said...

Me too on the inflatables...

I think that the guy who beat the golden retriever should be drawn and quartered!

I think I've got puppy fever...ahhh

Holee said...

Inflatables,Makes you want to sneek around at night with an ice pick.

Aww, I can't imagine anyone beating a golden retriever, they are so gentle. Hope he is okay.

I had a neighbor with a wolf, or maybe part wolf. He scared me to death. When some young guys broke into their home, the wolf jumped through the kitchen window and chewed one almost to death, the others ran. I didn't feel bad for them and found a reason to like the wolf. Maybe you should get a sign: Beware: Alaskan Wolf Dog. I would worry too for Evelyn.

I'm hoping you soon have a fluffy snowflake to add to your family!

Infinity Quilter said...

I hope the thief is long gone from your neighborhood. I'll come over there a beat him/her if he/she would touch a hair on Evelyn!!!

Murphy's Law (ask my MIL) states that puppy deliveries will start in the wee hours of the morning and depending on how many puppies, they could be anywhere from 1/2 hr to over an hour apart. Then since the breeder has two litters due within days, it's also Murphy's Law that they'll probably both deliver at the same time. LOL Hang in there. Fingers crossed for good news!

jacquie said...

folks with inflatables are in the fast lane to hell...well, maybe that's a bit much, but i'm married to one....he wants the giant inflatable snow globe...oh my goodness. i have to literally keep him out of stores that sell them. i think i would have to move if that were in front of my house.