"On the plains of Oklahoma, with a windshield sunset in your eyes like a watercolor painted sky, you'd think heavens doors have opened."
Fly Over States

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thank you to all who have written

I want to thank all the kind souls who have taken the time to write and express their condolences about losing Jezebel. The kindness and understanding so many have expressed have brought me to tears with each note. At the same time, the recognition by each of you that Jezebel was a member of the family and loved as such is so appreciated.

We have been running through the emotions at breakneck speed. On the day we lost her, Husband just wanted time to reverse so he could go back and get his dog. Of course that is irrational but even though I recognized that at the time, three days later, I am feeling the same way.

I just want my girl back. I just want her back.

Samoyeds are categorized as "working" dogs. They are happiest when they have a job. When my mother was dying, last year, and Jezebel appointed herself in charge of mom, it dawned on me that she'd found her nitch. Jezebel was thrilled to have a job and she was good at it.

When we lost our old girl, Sapphire, last Christmas, Jezebel went through a blue period. When she emerged from her funk and discovered she was Alpha, she entered the happiest time of her life. She had a job. Now that Jezebel is gone, we can appreciate that she ran EVERYTHING. She told us when to get up, when to go to bed, what floor of the house we needed to be on. She decided when the back door needed to be open. She let us know when dinner was due.

She didn't always get what she wanted but she felt it was her god given RESPONSIBILITY to let us know how things needed to proceed.

And she loved it. And we are lost without her constant reminders.

Evelyn is not doing well, at all. She won't eat. She keeps looking for her sister. She lays out of the back deck and stares into space. She has even been limping. It has helped that my kids brought their dog, Martin, with them.

It has helped that my kids understand what Jezebel meant to us. One of my girls even brought champagne for Thanksgiving so we could throw a wake. Without them, the past few days would have been even worse for me.

I contacted Evelyn's breeder to see if she knows of any litters coming up. She'll ask around.

We asked them to go ahead and send off the biopsy to get a pathology report. At least we will get some answers but I doubt they will be much comfort.

All that being said, I am so thankful for my husband, my children and the relatively short period of time we had Jezebel to brighten our lives.

I know this post is a little disjointed. I can't write anymore, today. But thank you, again.


Holee said...

Penny, my heart is broken for you all. The girls were so beautiful together.

Evelyn will now become the Alpha and her job will be to get the new puppy in line in her house. Maybe 2 puppies?

I understand everything you said. Eskimo's are also working dogs. Since I have gotten sick our Griz has taken over the job of "caring" for me. He won't let me out of his sight. He also tells me when it's time to eat & go to bed. He won't let any of the grandchildren sit in my wheelchair..he howls until they get up.

When you feel better and that won't be anytime soon, I know, maybe you should take all the wonderful photo's you have and make a quilt, just for you, about all 3 girls. I have one of my 2 dogs..it's my favorite and I find comfort in just looking at the photo's.

You are on my mind a lot. Everytime I look at my griz, who does look a lot like a samoyed, my mind drifts to your sorrow. I hope that peace will soon come to you through Evelyn.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your time with Jezebel with us, Penny. Every word you wrote made sense. Please give Evelyn loving scritches from me. I know she'll do her job well.


Anonymous said...

Penny, I have thought of you and your DH and of course, Evelyn, so many times these past few days. If only there was some way I could help and ease the pain you are going through.
Was glad to hear that your family was with you over the Holiday.
Oh, that Martin - he's a cutie. Is he the lucky one you made the quilt for?

Take care of yourself,


Terri said...

I am so sorry to read of your loss. My heart is just breaking for you all. Myself being owned by 4 extremely rotten dogs I know they are such a big part of your life and have so enjoyed your stories of both your girls. You, your Dh and Evelyn will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Nancy said...

Penny, I'm glad to hear you are coping. And though it may not feel like it, you are. Help Evelyn all you can, as she can't understand like you and your husband can. I have always felt my pets are part of the family, and we grieve them as such. They bring so much joy to our lives, it's a shame they don't live as long as we do, but maybe that's God's way of giving us more joy and more variety in our joy. I'm sure Jezebel is with your mom now.

South Jersey Quilter said...

I've thought about you, your DH and poor Evelyn a lot over the last few days. It's so hard to lose someone who's been such an important part of your life, and only time will help soften the edges.

Hang in there.

Paula said...

As much love and loyalty as our pets give us, of course they're a part of the family. Penny, you've all been in mine and DHs prayers. I've had the same thoughts about wishing time could go back for you. I too, thank you for sharing the girls with us and look forward to many more stories about Evelyn and "puppies to be".


jacquie said...

I'm glad you were able to write a bit. It's nice to hear you talk about Jezebel and her role in your family. I've been thinking about you and Evelyn these last few days hoping that you are both finding your way. Take good care.

Smiles! Becca said...

I hadnt been on in a few days so I just saw your posting on Loosing Jezebel. I am so so sorry! I wish I could give you a hug in person but please know I am sending you lots of them!(((((((hugs)))))))

Vivian Love said...

I have so busy with the holidays. Sorry I hadn't posted sooner! I'm so sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have loved getting to know your dogs through your blog. Rest in peace, Jezebel.

Vivian Love

Stephanie D. said...

It's good to hear from you, though I know your thoughts must all be so random and broken right now. I'm glad your family understands your loss. When Libby died, my daughter, who was living in another state, sent me a vase of daisies, my favorite flower, and a sweet note. Non-pet owners don't understand that the hole left when your constant 4-legged companion is gone is just as large as if your companion had 2 legs.

Take care.

jessicasews said...

Dear Penny,

You are so welcome, we got attached to Jezebel in a Blog-gy way!

As I read your post and gazed at Martin's photo.....I was first struck with, "What a handsome dog and such sweet eyes"! Yes, he looks like a "healer"!!
I asked my DD to come listen to the story and then look at Martin. She babysits a standard poodle named Xavier - he once had a jet-black coat, but it is now filled with gray hairs! He doesn't like to be left alone and is happy to be in the car going for rides (looks like a person riding with Tara!) or being dropped off at the Doggy Daycare (he has friends!).

I'm so glad you have your family, friends and Martin! to help you (and Evelyn)get through these early days.

~ Jessica

salokin1979 said...

Sorry to hear about Jezebel. I only stumbled across your blog today. I have two Samoyeds (both rescued) The mean the world to my partner and I.

Just wanted to send a post saying sorry for your loss.

Take care