Look Before You Leap

Like most professionals, lawyers have to take a certain number of continuing education classes per year to keep their license (“CLE’s”). I’m all caught up on CLE’s for the next couple of years but get CLE brochures in the mail, constantly. One came in, today, and I automatically handed it to the dog because she likes getting mail. She spit it out so I picked it up to chuck it into the trash – that is when I noticed the subject matter and perhaps the reason it tasted nasty to her.

“Selecting, Representing, and Terminating the Relationship with Family Law Clients”

Okay, now this I gotta see. In layman’s terms, I guess that would be, “How to avoid crazy clients and how to sh*tcan them when you discover they are out of their mind, a sociopath, a deadbeat, or mean as a snake.”

It goes on to elaborate:

“This seminar will provide ethical and practical advice on client selection, dealing with difficult clients, and termination of representation, including how to get paid.”

Now, I don’t take private clients so this is not something I need to know how to do. However, on a regular basis, I see nice attorneys looking like they are being roasted on a spit trying to keep a stiff upper lip while their client is completely sabotaging the case just being themselves. I genuinely feel sorry for the attorneys although if I know them well enough, I will flash them an evil grin while they gaze at me balefully (if you look at their hands, they are silently clenching and unclenching their fists). A nice thing about being a guardian ad litem is that if your child client/ward is acting like a maniac, you can simply ask the court to have them evaluated and order treatment, if recommended. In contrast, if you represent a parent who is acting nuts or like an enraged pitbull, not only will they frequently refuse to get counseling, they are liable to sue you once they end up losing the case.

As for getting paid, that is another matter I don’t have to worry about. I may not get paid nearly as much as an attorney in private practice, but I am not having to dog a client who feels no obligation to pay his/her bills, either.

So back to the CLE brochure. Inside, it says, “Many lawyers learn that a client is difficult after it is too late to decline representation, but there are red flags that can offer valuable insight throughout the representation, and even during the initial consultation.”

Red flags? No kidding.

How about when they show up for the initial consultation with reams of notebooks listing every slight they ever suffered at the hands of their former partner?

Or when they ask if it would be cheaper to simply hire a hitman?

Or when it turns out that they’ve had 6 other attorneys, 3 of whom are suing the prospective client for their fees and at least two who are defending themselves before the professional responsibility board following a complaint being made by this client?

How about the one who wants to know, first thing, if they can get out of child support if they get custody of what’s her name, who is six. No wait, she’s eight. No, six. I think she’s seven. Anyway, she is in 8th grade…

Or those who don’t have any money because that so and so shakes them down for child support – but if you were a good person, you would represent them without a deposit. They PROMISE they will pay you once they get their finances back in order.

Back to the brochure:

Topics of discussion (some of them) include: “Recognizing untruthful or evasive behavior.” (with some clients, it is when they are speaking). Oh, and here is one: “Championing a client’s destructive cause.” Huh? Can you even DO that, ethically when children are involved??

Actually, I can see from reading the brochure that it is intended to give ethical answers to those questions and addresses the lawyer’s responsibilities towards children affected by inappropriate behavior. I’m kind of making fun of the CLE but only for my own amusement. Most CLE’s really try to do a good job of giving good advice and I expect this one does, too.

Most of the time, when you see attorneys going through hell with a devil of a client, they are either new to the profession or they are representing the client as a favor to the grandparents or someone else with whom they have an established relationship.

I pity them.