You have been warned.
Guilt can be, among other things, a vigorous motivator, an unhealthy and dysfunctional joythief, an out of date roadmap for life and relationships, helpful curbs on the road less traveled, a distraction from important matters calling for attention, or an honest reflection of the need for introspection and correction.
Over the course of my life, I've become aware that I too often ignore guilt's quiet words of caution but snap to when it snarls and whines. Like many, I then find myself flailing about like a brash young husband desperate to sooth his beloved bride who has finally erupted when his cluelessness presses her beyond all patience. That is to say, when faced with some types of guilt, I generally do things that won't help and, in fact, only make things worse.
To begin with, I decided I wanted a new camera. And since I am not working, I felt incredibly guilty to think about spending money on it. That meant that I spent an inordinate time looking for good prices and trying to educate myself so that I didn't spend money I didn't have for something I didn't need. This, of course, was guaranteed to create an ethical quandry since I didn't NEED a new camera to begin with.
I don't handle guilt very well. I start emotionally flailing about and over/under reacting. Truly, I become a pain to live with.
But back to the camera. I looked and looked and looked, and thought and thought and thought but didn't buy it. Just couldn't bring myself to pull that trigger. I wanted a new camera but was consumed with guilt over being so self centered and lazy. Emotionally and actually spinning my wheels.
Yes, I realise that there was just a horrible earthquake/tsunami/radiation leak in Japan and people in the middle east are getting slaughtered. I also realise that I am healthy and just got a wonderful new grandson. I have a lovely home, a loving husband, fantastic children, dogs that are housetrained and money in the bank - and all of that makes my angst all the more ridiculous and dysfunctional.
It is probably to the point of being sinful. What is wrong with me?
Then Husband announced that he'd gotten a good performance review with a nice bonus and he was buying me a camera with it. Too much joy - which meant I had to dig up more misery to balance it. Started really stressing on finding a job to pay him back (self imposed - this wasn't coming from him). No quilting because I really should be in on the computer looking for a job. No blogging because I haven't done anything to blog about unless it was to categorize my sins.
Two days ago, Husband put his foot down. Per Mr. Wonderful, I am NOT to take a job I don't want just because I feel guilty. In fact, he suggested I consider getting a job at Hobby Lobby. For minimum wage if that is what I want. Or not. Then he lied to me and said it doesn't look like I have gained any weight. He also said he is glad I am watching The Tudors because he is happy to see me have a favorite television show. I don't even understand that last but am making an accurate report.
The man's opinion means far too much to me, clearly.
Yesterday, I washed windows and felt so good about it that I made time to blog, today. And when I finish, I am going to go clean my sewing room.
Happy Quilting, Penny, Evelyn and Pearl