Sunday, December 21, 2008
The Scene of the Crime
In the midst of Christmas decorating, I came around the corner and walked into a crime scene.
The body of the victim, who appeared to be a reindeer of uncertain gender - perhaps a dwarf - and perhaps a cross dresser - was wedged between the door and the basement stairs. There no obvious marks of trauma on the body. Apparently, I had scared off the killer.
The victim had a grassy bouquet dangling from its hands. The bouquet had a tinkling bell attached.
The bell had gone silent.
The victim was quickly identified as "Rudy," a small, rather stuffy little reindeer with a penchant for wearing festive ribbons.
Rudy always had his hand out. His most treasured possession, however, was the bouquet that never left his hand which contained a melodic jingle bell.
Rudy in happier days:
Grainy surveillance footage revealed a possible shifty-eyed suspect:
Quick detective work substantiated that the individual in the footage, Evelyn, had a previous relationship with the victim that was not always pleasant. There was some suggestion that, at times, Rudy was a bit too familiar and Evelyn didn't like it. What is not disputed is that they frequented the same locations and ran with the same crowd. Informants close to the source report that Evelyn's older sister, Jezebel, attempted to steal Rudy's shoes on numerous occasions:
Informants report that Evelyn had a hard time keeping civil when Rudy got too close and tried to act coy. Regardless, there is no report of previous violence.
Anonymous sources provided evidence that Evelyn always wanted that tinkling bell attached to Rudy's bouquet.
Evelyn has not been named a suspect in a reindeericide (or is it dwarficide?) but she is considered a "person of interest" and cannot leave the yard without a leash.
We are currently awaiting autopsy results to determine if there was foul play, whether Rudy died of health related causes as a result of a completely sedentary life, or whether he was already dead to begin with.
I apologize for the campy blog. I was up half the night doing stuff.